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If you're seeing this I figured out how to post to my LJ from my e-mail again :) E-mail which I can access at school :)
I'm supposed to have 3 logos done for my digital arts class by tomorrow. I have 6 done. So I consider myself jutified in catch you up on MY LIFE.
I don't even remember what I posted about last. Uh... earlier this month I went to FPS state. It was at this very Baptist hotel with like, portraits of Jesus on the walls and no televisions in any of the rooms. Serious. And it rained/snowed. So that was pretty annoying. Only highlight was this boy who started playing piano after lunch one day and singing Billy Joel songs and we went over and left him tips and he developed a fan club of sorts. I never actually learned his name but we just called him Piano Man. He was dorky but charming.
Then I went to prom. Maybe I'll post pictures when I have access to some. It's still awkward being at prom without a date but I really don't know who I'd want to take even if that did bother me enough to try. Everyone I'd want to go with is taken or far away. But I had fun anyway. The music was as always iffy and mostly catered to people griding (I requested Rickroll (btw I lost The Game) for Bertha but they didn't play it. They did play If You Seek Amy... XDDD). And I heard some people got sick from the food. But, still, at least I didn't have to put up with any drama personally. I just came to socialize a little and dance, which I did, and little more, so that's fine with me.
Otherwise things have been quiet. Which is odd. I've got drama going on online and off (I don't remember if these posts default to flocked or not so I won't talk about that) but I'm not incredibly fazed by any of it. I think I'm bored with this chapter in my life. I wasn't looking forward to college before, I was nervous about my choices and my future, but now... I am looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the summer, for the break it brings and also the things I hope to accomplish and experience during it, and then for moving on to something new.
Freshman year we wrote our future selves a letter and I got mine back a few weeks ago. In it, I wish that my future self will feel more secure in her future and encourage my future self to look back at high school and realize how far I've come, and say that my past self has confidence, with the great personal growth she's seen in her past, that by the time she's reading the letter that she will be prepared to move on. When I first read the letter, I was disconcerted by that assumption and that I was still lost. Now... I'm not so sure. I think I was right. I think I'll be ready when it comes time to leave this. It's coming up. Even if I have a far way to go in many things and most of my life does not end with school, I think I know more than I have in a long time where I am and where I have to go from here and I'm not trapped in that feeling of what direction? what direction? that I've been so tired of feeling. Even if a lot of that is knowing that I can't know and I have to let things fall where they will.
I spend too much of life worrying and feeling guilty. I spend a lot of my LJ posts on that sort of thing, too. I wanted to write one once just to say that for this moment in time I'm okay. And that I'm learning that it's fine to be okay even when everyone and everything around you isn't -- because they rarely are. And it's not right to always expect other people to be torn down with you every time you're not feeling okay.
I hope you all are okay right now, too.
I'm supposed to have 3 logos done for my digital arts class by tomorrow. I have 6 done. So I consider myself jutified in catch you up on MY LIFE.
I don't even remember what I posted about last. Uh... earlier this month I went to FPS state. It was at this very Baptist hotel with like, portraits of Jesus on the walls and no televisions in any of the rooms. Serious. And it rained/snowed. So that was pretty annoying. Only highlight was this boy who started playing piano after lunch one day and singing Billy Joel songs and we went over and left him tips and he developed a fan club of sorts. I never actually learned his name but we just called him Piano Man. He was dorky but charming.
Then I went to prom. Maybe I'll post pictures when I have access to some. It's still awkward being at prom without a date but I really don't know who I'd want to take even if that did bother me enough to try. Everyone I'd want to go with is taken or far away. But I had fun anyway. The music was as always iffy and mostly catered to people griding (I requested Rickroll (btw I lost The Game) for Bertha but they didn't play it. They did play If You Seek Amy... XDDD). And I heard some people got sick from the food. But, still, at least I didn't have to put up with any drama personally. I just came to socialize a little and dance, which I did, and little more, so that's fine with me.
Otherwise things have been quiet. Which is odd. I've got drama going on online and off (I don't remember if these posts default to flocked or not so I won't talk about that) but I'm not incredibly fazed by any of it. I think I'm bored with this chapter in my life. I wasn't looking forward to college before, I was nervous about my choices and my future, but now... I am looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the summer, for the break it brings and also the things I hope to accomplish and experience during it, and then for moving on to something new.
Freshman year we wrote our future selves a letter and I got mine back a few weeks ago. In it, I wish that my future self will feel more secure in her future and encourage my future self to look back at high school and realize how far I've come, and say that my past self has confidence, with the great personal growth she's seen in her past, that by the time she's reading the letter that she will be prepared to move on. When I first read the letter, I was disconcerted by that assumption and that I was still lost. Now... I'm not so sure. I think I was right. I think I'll be ready when it comes time to leave this. It's coming up. Even if I have a far way to go in many things and most of my life does not end with school, I think I know more than I have in a long time where I am and where I have to go from here and I'm not trapped in that feeling of what direction? what direction? that I've been so tired of feeling. Even if a lot of that is knowing that I can't know and I have to let things fall where they will.
I spend too much of life worrying and feeling guilty. I spend a lot of my LJ posts on that sort of thing, too. I wanted to write one once just to say that for this moment in time I'm okay. And that I'm learning that it's fine to be okay even when everyone and everything around you isn't -- because they rarely are. And it's not right to always expect other people to be torn down with you every time you're not feeling okay.
I hope you all are okay right now, too.
