Everything's Waiting

Okay, so... I posted this fic at FFN a while ago... and I'll admit it was mostly a reaction to the kind of SA fic that is posted at FFN. There's an obsession with Hanschen/Ernst over there and a lot of fluff with them and it's sort of bugged me from the time I started posting fic there. Because I never saw them that way in canon, though they had never really interested me enough (canon couples don't tend to) to poke around and decide what I actually feel about them. So after wordwarring with msmoocow (WHO IS BETTER THAN SHE THINKS SHE IS) and distant_flicker (whose stuff is so deliciously dark), I ended up writing this. And I thought I'd finally post it.

Title: Easy
Fandom: Spring Awakening (musical)
Rating: PG
Words: 850
Pairing: Hanschen/Ernst
Summary: He was too scared to acknowledge it too much, to believe it was reality, because when it became reality and not a fairytale it was easier to see the end.

( It's easier than love )

msmoocow challenged me to three drabbles. At like 4 am. AND I WROTE THEM. AND HERE THEY ARE. 100 words exactly each, inspired by a song off shuffle.

Josh Groban – Awake

If we just keep our eyes wide open
Then everything would stay the same

Dark was quickly falling as they walked home. Moritz kept his footsteps slow, rhythmic, and Melchior kept having to stop to keep from getting ahead. After a while he said, “You're dragging your feet, Moritz?” and with his expression Melchior asked if something was wrong. Moritz almost wanted to laugh – he struggled to hold it in. Nothing was wrong. And that was just the thing. He wanted to, needed to, hold on to this feeling -- bottle it up forever. So it was hard to leave, to permit the night to slip away and have to start over the next day.

Regina Spektor – Raindrops

You don’t know but that’s okay
You might find me anyway
Don’t you know that I belong arm in arm with you, baby

She liked to imagine that he would understand. The other girls swooned over Melchior Gabor, and... Sure, what Martha would give for a boy like that to even give her a second glance. But she could never feel like she deserved it and she could never really see herself with a guy like that, all handsome looks and radical ideas. She was a simple girl, she thought, and she wouldn't mind, or would even like, just a sweet, simple guy who knew what it was like to be left on the edge of the crowd – a guy like Moritz Stiefel.

Sarah McLachlan – Black & White

And all I feel is black and white
and I'm wound up small and tight
and I don't know who I am

It was a rainy day, strange for late fall, but it was looking to be a mild winter. Wendla lifted her hand and pressed it against the glass, a dark shape against the light gray of the overcast outdoors. She didn't know why the hand made her think of him -- maybe because the glass was cold against her fingers and he had been so warm in her arms. That night had gone by so quickly yet she saw everything in her life since as a comparison. He'd said he could hear her in the rain, the hay – now she understood.

So, ages ago, I tried to write Chess into a sort of novella. Looking at my notes and my files, apparently I did three drafts of them, each taking bits of pieces from each other and all varying pretty wildly as I tried to figure out what the hell I actually wanted to do with this project. It remained extremely unfinished. Because it might entertain some people, I'll post it, but I don't have the time or ambition to wade through the three drafts and try and figure out a good narration and I don't want to waste perfectly good scenes I dropped just because they didn't go with my changing idea of the plot. So I'll just share all the scenes from all the drafts excluding duplicates. Since they're from different drafts, they may or may not contradict each other and there will only be a vague chronological order, I'm not going to read and see XD I've color coded each draft so you can see what chunks kind of go together, I have no idea if that'll help make sense of it or not.

( So have fun with it )

Title: Break Me To Small Parts
Fandom: Spring Awakening (Play)
Pairing: Melchior/Moritz, Melchior/Wendla
Words: 4934 (3 chapters)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “It makes sense, wouldn't it, that there is no real reason to prevent say... people of the same gender engaging in activity usually reserved, by normal social standards, for people of opposing gender?”
Author's Notes: This is a piece I've been working on for nearly a month, but I've been itching to do it for longer. The past month or so has put me through a lot, personally, and I've tried to use this fic to channel some of those feelings and realizations into the context of one of my favorite stories -- this play. Title from Regina Spektor's Ode to Divorce. Thanks to my betas, labellacaracol and dreamsofstars.

Dedicated to labellacaracol

( So break me to small parts, let go in small doses )

Title: Never Been Awake Before
Fandom: Spring Awakening (musical)
Rating: PG
Words: 2761
Pairing: Anna/Wendla
Summary: Maybe a lot of things had changed that she couldn't even comprehend – and that filled her with both fear and a strange kind of rebellious confidence.
Notes: Because I never really thank my betas and I should start, thanks to dreamsofstars for betaing. Dedicated to labellacaracol.

( There's got to be something more )

Title: I Want To Know That My Heart's Still Beating
Fandom: Spring Awakening (general)
Rating: PG
Words: 1428
Pairing: Melchior/Moritz
Summary: Moritz is falling apart.
Notes: A little further from what I think is possible in canon than I am used to venturing, but this is a birthday gift for rawrfoo, so. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY.

( Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain )

A Series of Anti-Climaxes, Part 3
(Parts 1 and 2)
Because I never explained it before: A Series of Anti-Climaxes is a collection of one shots exploring possible starts for pairings that do not exist, at least outright, in canon, without playing them out to any large degree despite the set up -- anti-climatic.

Title: My Latest Mistake
Fandom: Spring Awakening (general, with musical leanings)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Melchior/Ilse
Summary:
The ghosts inside his mind carry his burden with them, and this time there is nowhere to go as the weight begins to crush him. She dances out of the trees like a phantom from his childhood and it's the dying embers of innocence and memories that attract him...
Notes: For labellacaracol, who suggested it, and also summary courtesy of her. Takes place post-canon.

( Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? )

It's 3 am. I has the tireds. However, about an hour ago, I was just wandering past Lauren Pritchard's MySpace when a song on it, Run, that I hadn't really listened to before started playing, and somewhere in it I got struck with something. I kept replaying the song the entire time, it isn't even my favorite of hers on her MySpace and I'm a little sick of it now XD

This isn't proofread or anything, and the sentences in brackets indicate where I started on another tangent of thought but then abandoned it to finish my initial thought, and may or may not return to it. Writing is like that...

I thought some people might appreciate this, however. Will be polished eventually, however, it is Script Frenzy and I've neglected to start yet (thanks a lot Moritz, I wanted to do that tonight).

( Where do you run when everything gone? )

Title: You Cut Me Down to Size
Fandom: Spring Awakening
Pairing: Melchior/Moritz
Rating: PG
Summary: Melchior analyzes a lot of things, but he tries not to analyze himself. He realizes, sometimes, though, that a part of him is a little too fascinated by other people.
Notes: I dedicate this... to ladyeshen and labellacaracol. Title from Coldplay's Swallowed In The Sea

( Other people -- their feelings, sometimes expected and sometimes irrational... )

Just for the lulz, here's the rather stream-of-consciousness-y writing I did one day during chem and PE (which had become a study hall that day) that turned into the fic I just posted:

( He'd thrown the essay in his desk drawer, piled a book and some loose papers on top of it. )